that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
