ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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