i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
