thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
