That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
