Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize