i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There are leaves in my underwear?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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