call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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