i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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