so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you never un-have a 4some
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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