omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
