I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
