1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
wow bdsm is so cute
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
