the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize