It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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