walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
