there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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