So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
