I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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