I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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