I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
