life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
