Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
