Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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