I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
