somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
