i permit you to call me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
