she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
