hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
