i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
