I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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