You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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