Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
