Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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