Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
