thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
