we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
