Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
