Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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