this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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