Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
