i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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