ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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