I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
