remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
