I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
