Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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