I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
