You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
