My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
