there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
