first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
