I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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