I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
this is an emotional support booty call
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
