i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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