They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did i walk over a car last night?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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