quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
