I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
