Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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