I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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