Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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