White coat. Heels.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
