At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
