This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
