I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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