the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
