i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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