She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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