Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
