my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
