so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
