I'm going to jail i love you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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