I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
