doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
