Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
